It’s true. I blog sometimes. I’ll be honest, today, as I write this I’m a mix of emotions. I’m on the other side of my organizing duties with WordCamp Long Beach. On the one hand, I’m exhausted and want to take the day off. On the other hand, I feel really good about the camp and the team that helped to make it happen.
I definitely have thoughts and feelings about what I want to do for myself. I keep saying that I’m going to take a break from community-related stuff for a while but I never do. Perhaps I ought to take make good on that threat and take some time for myself. It’s easier to care for others, certainly, for me, it feels far more gratifying than doing the whole self-care thing (which is vital and crucially important).
I don’t always make time to care for myself or to make myself a priority. Over the last year, I’ve really made an effort to do the whole self-care thing. For me, that’s involved seeking therapy and trying to let go of the past and in all of it trying to find some measure of peace and forgiveness (forgiving myself).
I also have things I want to do. I want to travel more and I want to experience more. I feel stagnant where I am currently. I enjoy what I do and that’s great! I just don’t know what I really love to do. I don’t need to love what I do for my work but I feel like I’m floating and I don’t have a place to put my passions and that’s because I don’t know what they really are.
Is this a midlife crisis? By age, I qualify.
I’m also reflecting on those who I’ve loved and those I’ve let slip from my life and the why of it all.
I’m just feeling a lot this morning… and I’m here trying to get it all out on the table and out of my head.
We’re going to try this thing and see where we get to.